Faith’s Guide

Summer Lovin’

Single and searching (12 of 14)

 

Single and searching (10 of 14)

 

Before I get started, I have to commend the British weather for actually giving us a summer.  We have experienced at least 3 weeks (and counting) of glorious sunshine *round of applause*. 

We have had the opportunity to freely wear our sunnies, get our legs and arms out and wear the summer clothes most of us buy out of pure optimism and hope for sun.

This summer for me started off quite tiring.  I experienced a few bouts of anxiety, as I thought about all the things I needed to do, wanted to do, had to do and the many events I’d been invited to and expected to attend.  Balancing work, studies, ministry commitments, family, social life and private leisure activities was quite overwhelming sometimes, and caused me many unnecessary late nights and early mornings, making me a tad grouchy and snappy.

To better manage the situation I develop a new love for the word ‘No’.  I just started saying no to a lot of things and prioritised my need for R&R.

‘Rest & Relaxation’.

During  my R&R

 I  rekindled some lost and neglected friendships

Spent time quality with loved ones, family, friends

Did some networking and met a load of new people

Treated myself to some new bits

Embarked on some personal development projects

And spent time dating.

I’ve been on so many dates this summer, so many I’ve lost count.

 

(Sorry, did I mention these dates were with myself?)

 Single and searching (9 of 14)

And they have all been great!

As much as I am a social butterfly, I love spending time with myself. I thoroughly enjoy my own company, and realise there will come a point in life, where I wouldn’t have the luxury of zoning out and having that precious ‘me time’. I wouldn’t be able to just up and leave.  Go somewhere new, try something new and simply to decide to do what I want, exactly when I want.

 

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(I’m aware of the weird looks, when dating alone. I’m used to them now. I usually freak people out by trying to hold hands with myself….just kidding.)

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Dating alone forms a good part of my R&R time, it gives me that quality ‘me time’, which is something I aim to take full advantage of.  A little message to the singles reading this, don’t worry this is definitely NOT a lecture.   Just a little bit of encouragement to take full advantage of this ‘me’ time.  The rush to be in a relationship and married comes with hard work and responsibilities.   And in the near future, this me time may be a coveted luxury (so I’ve heard).

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Summer isn’t  over just yet, and there are a few things I would still like to do, which I’ll be sure to share with you all.

In the meantime, share with me some of the things you have done this summer.  Lessons you’ve learnt? Opportunities you’ve had, places you’ve visited, fun things you’ve done- I’d love to know.

In truth and with love,

 

Faith xox

Breaking Bad

Gossip (10 of 16)

A few months ago one of my mentors challenged me to a 40 day word fast.  This meant abstaining from 6 specific styles of verbal communication, one of which included Gossip.  I didn’t need him or this challenge to tell me that gossiping was wrong; because I’m sure we all know it is.

The Bible clearly tells us that: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen’ (Ephesians 4:29).  And let’s face it gossip isn’t wholesome talk, and it certainly doesn’t build people up.

Gossip (5 of 16)

 

What Is Gossip?

There are various names, labels, descriptions and titles we give gossip.   For example gist, discussions, important news, back biting, venting, jokes, sarcasm, shade.  Sometimes, we deceive ourselves (and quite convincingly, might I add) that we are discussing certain things so we can ‘pray’ about them, or help in finding a solution. The truth is we all know  we’re just having a good ol’ gossip. I’d also like to include positive things that you have been told not to share could also be classified as gossip.

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Effects Of Gossip

I see gossip as a [self] destructive time bomb, because the effects may not necessarily be immediate, but somewhere along the line it will explode and someone will get hurt.

  • Gossip can destroy friendships, family, and relationships – ‘A troublemaker plants seeds of strife;  gossip separates the best of friends’ (Proverbs 16:28).
  • Gossip hurts, especially those whom are the subject of the discussion – ‘The words of a talebearer [a gossiper] are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly’ (Proverbs 18:8).
  • Gossip can turn back and destroy you, the gossiper- ‘Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows’ (Galatians 6:7). So you sow a little chit-chatter here about someone else that is none of your business,  you may very well reap a whole dissertation about you.  Talking about others gives them full permission to talk about you – you get what you give!
  • Gossip separates us from God, because it is a sin – ‘O LORD, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, And speaks truth in his heart. He does not slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbour, nor takes up a reproach against his friend’ (Psalm 15:1-3).

 

Don’t get me wrong gossiping can seem fun, especially when it’s called something else like gist or shade.  Like all other sins it’s attractive, quite easy to engage in and difficult to stop.  But stopping is a must!

How To Stop Gossiping

1.       As with anything, you need to identify it, acknowledge it’s a sin and a problem in your life.

2.       Ask God for forgiveness for all the whispers, course jokes, backbiting, slandering and gossip you’ve engaged in.

3.       Pray to God for His grace to help you stop.

 

Now Practically…

Some things have to go.

I had to forcefully break certain habits.  This meant certain shows, websites and Instagram accounts had to go.

 

Gossip (12 of 16)

Some people also had to go. I cut certain people out of my life.  I realised that some friendships I had were not producing any Godly fruits and most conversations were sinful and full of negativity.  Many times during conversations I would feel really uncomfortable because I knew what I was doing or talking about was wrong.  But two things kept me going- the story was sweet and juicy, and the fear of losing the friendship as I knew we had nothing much in common, sad I know.

If the friendship is ungodly and not yielding any beneficial fruits- you just have got to let it go.  ‘If your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell’ (Matthew 18:9). I know this is quite dramatic and harsh, but we need to constantly rid our lives of things that cause us to sin. 

Ask God for wisdom regarding how you exit certain relationships, but be prepared to let some go.  ‘He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip’ (Proverbs 20:19).  You cannot surround yourself with people that are negative and expect not to be negative too.  ‘Do not be misled: bad company corrupts good character’ (1 Corinthians 15:33).

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Other Things I Did…

I had an honest conversation with my closest friends and family and told them straight that I didn’t want to gossip anymore.  This helped in making us accountable to each other; when a conversation starts steering in the wrong direction, we remind ourselves of our agreement to stop gossiping.
 

In certain social situations I try to keep quiet, this includes minimising giggles and snickering that encourages people to continue particular conversations. 
Abstaining from gossip is hard, but if you want to stop, you will need to take responsibility.

We all have a choice regarding the behaviours we engage in, and what we do usually reflects some of our values, attitudes and beliefs.   I have found there are usually underlying issues relating to gossip, such as: jealousy, envy, insecurity, covetousness, bitterness, hatred, anger, boredom, lack of direction and purpose, low self esteem, loneliness and many more. What you decide to talk or gossip about reveals the state of your heart: ‘For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks’ (Matthew 12:34).  So check your heart.

As mentioned, the responsibility to stop gossiping lies with you accompanied with the help of the Holy Spirit.  The more you talk recklessly and engage in gossip, the more people will bring news to you, and the more you will spread it.  It’s a common sense cyclical interaction.  You want to know how to quench the fire of gossip? Say nada.  Yep!  Just don’t say anything! Drop the mic and walk away from the conversation.

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‘Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down’ 

(Proverbs 26:20)

Next time you catch yourself about to gossip, implement this 3 second rule of silence and quickly ask yourself if you should say what you are about to, is it beneficial, useful, hurtful, necessary, is it gossip?

If it is negative ask yourself: Is this how I would want to be treated?  Would I want my secrets exposed? My embarrassing moments, shameful issues put on blast and made public?

We must learn to girdle our tongues, ‘we must be quick to hear, slow to speak’ (James 1:19).

My prayer is that:

 The Words Of Our Mouths And The Meditation Of Our Hearts Will Be Acceptable Unto Our God

(Psalm 19:14)

In truth and with love

Faith xox

Dealing With Disappointment

Single and searching part 2 (8 of 11)

You know when you want something so bad, you’ve prayed, fasted, believed the word, spoken the word and you start seeing it; it’s real, live and direct in front of you. Then, you go to reach for it and… you can’t grab it.

I started last week on a high. My verse for the week was: 

‘For As He Thinks In His Heart, So Is He’

(Proverbs 23:7).

I was expecting something great to happen; I had been praying, fasting and putting in work, money and time. I was expectant and I believed with all my heart God told me it was.

Then D day came, I woke up prayed (for longer than usual), read the Word and started my day.

Single and searching part 2 (10 of 11)

Just before midday, I got the news that the very thing I had been waiting and expecting was not mine.

Disappointed?  Hmm more like distraught. As the lady spoke to me and explained what happened, I zoned out completely.  My eyes began to sting, my vision became blurred, I had a lump in my throat.  I told myself don’t do it, don’t do it, girl, don’t cry! I was angry, disappointed and felt defeated.

 

In an attempt to cope and deal with the disappointment, I started to think of all the things I should and could do. Should I treat myself to a nice meal? Buy a nice piece of carrot cake? Go shopping? Leave work? Pull a sicky? Call a friend to vent? Ignore God, sulk for the rest of the day?

 

In a mood I opted to pray, I asked God what happened? Why didn’t it work out? I had prayed, fasted, believed, spoken the Word and prepared.

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This was definitely a one way conversation with God, I did not pause once to hear what He had to say. I eventually thought to myself I should settle down, ask my questions and wait for Him to respond.  But, if I’m honest, at that moment in time I really didn’t care what God had to say, I just didn’t want to hear it! I was livid and totally disheartened.

I repeated to myself ‘hope deferred makes the heart sick’ (Proverbs 13:12). I actually felt sick and was so angry I honestly could have punched someone(don’t judge me) but I didn’t.

 

When I had calmed down, I thought to myself: ‘Okay, so you’re upset and disappointed which is fair enough, but what next? What are you going to do about it?’

I decided to pray, and take time to listen to what God had to say because I needed Him, the Master Strategist to give me answers and help me plan my next move.
Single and searching part 2 (4 of 11)

So, as I sat down and prayed, I felt God say it is indeed mine. It just wasn’t the right time.
In this specific situation I believe God said to me I wasn’t ready. When I get that thing He wants me to be confident that I know what I’m doing and I could handle any situation that arises out of it. To which I agreed.

Yes, I had prepared, but, I wasn’t fully confident and competent. Now, don’t get me wrong there are instances where God can call you to something you feel you’re not ready for, but He will give you the grace, on the job training and guidance to accomplish the thing. There are other times when God wants you to mature and be ready for the thing you prayed for.

This conversation took me back to the book of Daniel, ‘Mr Excellence’, as I like to call him.

God reminded me that when the presidents and princes of the kingdom were out to find dirt on Daniel, they ‘could find none occasion nor fault; forasmuch as he was faithful, neither was there any error or fault found in him’ (Daniel 6:4).

This meant Daniel was consistent; constantly pursuing and producing high standards.  Daniel wasn’t a ‘one-hit’ wonder, and his good works were not flukes.  We know this because he was described as faithful, the amplified version of the Bible says he was not negligent, which tells us he was diligent, attentive and thorough in his works, service and in his character.  Hence, no fault was found in him.

In hindsight, I can appreciate that I may not have been as ready as I thought.  I believe here God said to me that I could have had it. But, there will be situations where I wouldn’t know what to do, which could potentially be dangerous to me and those around me. Therefore, He wants me to go back into preparation mode so I will come out excellent, fully competent and capable of handling anything – still with His help of course.

Single and searching part 2 (3 of 11)

 

Unfortunately, disappointment is normal and sometimes a frequent occurrence in life.  It doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t feel down or sad when things we expected and hoped for do not happen. But, these emotions and feelings should be temporary, sulking and constant rumination will not change anything. After your moment, go back to the Master Strategist and ask what went wrong, and be honest with yourself.

 

  • Did you really hear from God or was it your emotions speaking to you?
  • What could you have done differently?
  • What do you need to learn at this particular point? Have you learnt it?
  • Why do you want to move on and move forward?  Is it for your own ego or God’s glory?
  •  Check the quality of your work and check what you’re doing with what you have?

 

Be honest check where you really are. Check the state of your heart and your intentions. And then, ask God what He wants, and listen to what He says you should do next.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5).  So it may be that you’re sad and disappointed now, but be rest assured your time of celebration and rejoicing will come.

 

In truth and with love

Faith xox  

Birthday Blues

Birthday_Post (1 of 35) potential

Birthday_Post (12 of 35) potential

Since I’ve hit my mid 20s the run up to my birthday has always been jam packed with emotion. I feel excited as to what the new year holds; all the new opportunities, experiences, adventures that I can add to my personal archive of life’s achievements.  But, I also feel regret when I think of missed opportunities and  things I didn’t quite achieve.

As a little girl and a teenager, I had all these ideas of what I was going to be when I was 18, 20, 21, 25, 30 etc I had ideas of where I would be in terms of my career, my relationship status, my children, appearance/ style (don’t judge), ministry, things I would own and so on. However, as  I clocked 18, 20, 21, 25  what I had in mind in terms of whom and what I’d be didn’t quite match my reality.

 

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For the past couple of years I spend a lot of time leading up to my birthday in deep thought.

I would check myself into coffee shops and other places to have some quality ‘me’ time. I would think about where I am currently, where I’d like to be and what I’d like to do in the coming year.

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This year, as I reflected on my dreams, aspirations, desires and plans, this scripture continuously rung aloud in my mind and spirit:

Many are the plans in a person’s heart but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails 

(Proverbs 19:21 NIV)

 

Having dreams, setting goals, making plans are all good things, and by no means bad. But what we must remember is that while we have a plan, God also has a plan,  and ultimately it is His plan that we want to prevail. God knows our beginning and our end and what seems right now may not necessarily be the right thing or best thing for us in the long run.  

During this particular period of reflection, I realised I can be quite hard on myself; quick at minimising victories and accomplishments and even quicker to maximise perceived failures. I say perceived, because a failure is really dependent on your interpretation – and I deliberately choose to see these incidents as learning opportunities instead of stumbling blocks.    

I used to associate age with achievement and accomplishments.

I have resolved that material possessions, accolades, letters behind and in front of my name do not necessarily equate to success and neither do they define me! My identity is in Christ and He loves me, so much more than I’ll ever know and understand and the plans that He has for me are good and not of evil, and they are to bring me to an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11).  The truth may very well be that I did miss some opportunities, I may not be where I expected to be. But I know that He causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to his purpose for them (Romans 8:28).

So this year as I approach my birthday (7 days exactly as I type this) I asked myself the following questions:

  • Who set these so-called milestones I think I need to achieve?
  • Who says I need to have X by now? Who am I comparing myself with? Is this comparison healthy? Is it beneficial to me right now? Would it benefit me in the future?
  • Am I running the same race as the people I am comparing myself with? Do we have the same goals and visions? Were we created to do the same thing?
  • What have I actually achieved this year? What have I learnt? In what ways have I grown?
  • What can I do better this year that I couldn’t last year?
  • Whose life have I impacted this year?
  • Who have I helped and consequently they have experienced a change for the better?
  • What does God want me to learn in this particular season or place I am in right now?
  • What things can I do to get myself to where I want to be? What steps do I need to take? Am I taking them?

Life is a journey, and when we stop at each destination there are reasons to give thanks, lessons to learn and skills to develop. As cheesy as this may sound, we need to embrace each stage of life we’re in, as you know, no condition is permanent. We all have our individual paths to follow,  personal dreams and unique destiny’s to fulfil. The key is to:

 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.

(Proverbs 3:5&6)

 

This year marked a significant change in my perception towards life and the pursuit of achievement. 
I consciously decided that I want to live a full life. And by ‘full’ I mean do everything I’ve ever wanted, dreamt or thought of doing (within the boundaries of God, of course). 

I attended a funeral of a very young man recently and I couldn’t stop thinking about how young he was, how much more he had to give to the world. The truth is our life is like a piece of string; as there is a beginning to that piece of string there is definitely an end. Some of us have been given a very, very long piece (by God’s grace) and others have a shorter piece. However long or short your piece of string no-one knows exactly, but The Creator. Therefore, we must strive to live each moment with so much intention, so much purpose because you could be here today and gone tomorrow.  The Bible reminds us by asking: 

‘How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog–it’s here a little while, then it’s gone’

(James 4:14).

It’s common for people to wonder at funerals how they would like to be remembered. Think, how would you like to be remembered? 

 

  • As a Debbie Downer, who spent most of her time comparing herself to others and wallowing in self-pity?

 

  • As a Fearful Fiona, who always wanted to but never did because of fear she would fail, she would never be good enough, or people would judge her?

 

  • As a Spontaneous Sally, who lived life frivolously with no plan, just doing as she pleased when she pleased?

Or do you want to be remembered as [insert your name] a game changer, a Kingdom shaker, someone who loved God, loved and served others, impacted lives, impacted their generation, someone who lived each moment carefully under the influence of the Holy Spirit, someone who saw opportunities and ceased them, and where there weren’t any created their own opportunities.

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As I celebrated my birthday this year I decided this would mark the beginning of my intentional, purpose driven life. A life devoted to Christ, a life of love and service to others – and this is what I want to be remembered for.

How do you want to be remembered?

In truth and with love

Faith xox

Faith’s Guide