The Pursuit of Love

 

February, the Month of Love ♥

It’s that season when some of us are Boo’d up, and the rest…hmm not quite, but we’re still happy.

 

One thing I love about love is The Pursuit.  You know when you’re just getting to know someone, there’s this relentless pursuit.  The constant calls, the WhatsApp messages back and forth, the lengthy texts.

It’s exciting, it’s new, you’re hooked, and you want to be around the person ALL the time.

You want to speak to them all day, you look forward to seeing them.  Dates are fun, even when they just consist of quiet walks where no-one is saying much.  Just the presence of the other person brings a sense of satisfaction, and happiness.

 

Goodbyes can be hard, even when you know they are just temporary. New love is amazing.

And then somehow, things slow down.

You kind of get ‘used’ to being with each other, the new things aren’t so novel anymore.  The little cute things slowly lose their spark. The love hasn’t necessarily diminished, but the overt and elaborate expressions of love have…

Whilst most would agree the pursuit should never stop, the reality is that it does.  It’s the sad trajectory of a lot of human relationships.

If you think keeping the momentum in a relationship is tough (and expensive), try maintaining that same energy in a relationship with a faulty foundation.  The ‘love’ will peak quickly, before it rapidly and sometimes hurtfully crashes.

If you find yourself pursuing a ‘love’ in a [hu]man because of loneliness, discontentment, insecurity, hurt – I can almost guarantee you will not find what you’re looking for.  At first things may seem amazing, but beyond the surface you will realise ‘that love’ will not make you feel complete, valued, fulfilled or healed.  Pursuing love ‘just because’, can get messy and leave you broken.

To those who are happy in love, continue to celebrate each other in love, commending the good in one another, and in love covering weaknesses.

And if you are not in a good place this Valentine’s Day, if you are unhappily single (because being single is not a bad thing – another post for another day), nursing a heartbreak, going through challenges in your relationship you are most likely not alone.  Do not let this day ‘highlight’ all the things the things you lack, or things that are wrong.  Instead bask in the knowledge that:


He loves you with an everlasting love.

(Jeremiah 31:3)


Yesterday at the Bible study I attend we were looking a this scripture and thinking about it is really mind blowing:  

 

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature[a] God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

(Philippians 2: 5-8)

 

Imagine leaving your home which is full of glory, comfort, complete luxury and every other great and incredible you can think of to go to a place that is the total opposite.  And on top of that you’re subjected to all sorts of abuse, ridiculed, mocked, beaten – all for the sake of LOVE.  Despite the sacrifice of leaving your glorious home, you’re rejected by the ones you came to show and give this Love to.  It doesn’t discourage you, the rejection gives you more oomph to keep pursuing….now that is the definition of LOVE.

Complete Selflessness. Complete Sacrifice. That is Love.

The breadth, and depth of the love of God is crazy!! Too much for us to fully comprehend.  And what’s great about it, is that it’s unconditional


But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

(Romans 5:8)


It’s not limited to one day a year, but  it’s eternal.

True Love is liberating and is found in Jesus Christ.

 

His love for you is so wide and runs so deep, that you were and always are worth The PURSUIT.

Happy Valentine’s Day

In truth and with lots of love

Faith xox

HIS LOVE BUG

A few of my favourite scriptures that remind me of His love for me…


The Lord appeared to me from ages past, saying,
“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you and continued My faithfulness to you.
“Again I will build you and you will be rebuilt […]
You will again be adorned […]

(Jeremiah 31:3-4)


[…] No one will ever snatch them out of My hand.  My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater and mightier than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.

(John 10:29)


[…] Neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Romans 8:37-39)


For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him.

(Psalm 103:11)


 

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.

(Psalm 27:10)

Happy Valentine’s Day 

In truth and in with love

Faith xox

INTIMACY (Part 1)

I enjoy going for prayer walks, mainly because I’m such a busybody I struggle to sit down and zone out on just one task. So I often combine two activities together, I find it to be a good way to maximise time and resources. And prayer walks satisfy both the spiritual and physical.


So the Friday just gone, I took myself on an extra long one of those walks; playlist set, prayer list at hand then I set off.
To be honest that’s not how it started.  What really happened was I was forced to go on the walk before I combusted.

I spent the whole week feeling really heavy. A sort of heaviness that I struggled to articulate, a heaviness that was written all over my face and demeanour. This despondency came from the feeling of helplessness. There were things happening around me, that made me feel in plain English – SAD. And most of these things were beyond my control.


Have you ever felt like wanting, wishing, needing to do something that you just couldn’t? Well, that was me.  I can be a bit of a control freak (call it first born syndrome) so when things are beyond me I stress out. 


Now, I love detail. When telling a story or engaging in conversation I need want to know all the ‘whats, wheres, hows and whys’. And this doesn’t stop at the factual stuff. I want to know the internal processes too, this includes feelings, emotions, physical sensation. Everything. I like to know it all. I mean it helps me to build an accurate picture of what actually happened which usually informs my next move. 
But this time, I was not privy to this information, and I felt useless and despondent. I wanted to know it all so I could lend myself and help….but I just couldn’t. 

 

In reaching the height of my restlessness birthed from my inability to change or influence the situation I said a brief prayer.  This was mainly to fulfil all righteousness- and by that I mean a quick talk to (not with) God because I knew it was the right thing to do, even though I really did not want to.


This brief conversation brought to the surface an internal battle that I had tried to suppress all week.  

Whenever I felt the urge or call to pray about this situation I tried to blank it out. What I did instead was talk to friends, which was interesting because I was not really talking to them about the issue, because I couldn’t fully disclose the situation. So, all I got was a temporary relief from the build up of emotions I was experiencing, but it didn’t actually solve or help the situation.

So back to this Friday- I had reached breaking point and I resolved that I need to calm down and express exactly how I felt to God, so I started my walk.

 

3 minutes in I realised that I skirted around the issue this week by saying lots of quick prayers because I was not ready or willing to be vulnerable.

Intimacy is something that I struggle with in most of my relationships, not all, but the majority (when I mean relationships I mean with family, friends, colleagues, partners etc).  I understand that each relationship has varying levels of intimacy, you cannot be open or confide in any and everyone, that would be quite foolish. Knowing whom and when to open up requires maturity and a discerning spirit (topic for another day).
Before talking about what the problem was, I explored the barriers that prevented me from opening up in the first place and the things that generally hinder me opening up to people I should.

I have this motto that I live by when it comes to sharing:


‘if it is not beneficial to the person I am sharing with or if they cannot provide a solution – then there is no point in sharing’. 


And that has been my sharing/intimacy mantra, until this prayer walk.
I learnt that some things need to be shared, even if the person cannot provide a solution and even if it is not the thing that will ‘set them free’ from captivity.

 

Some things need to be shared because: 


sharing and intimacy is the bedrock of any meaningful relationship


It shows trust which is an essential ingredient necessary for the growth and development of any relationship.

Now, God, our Father ‘knows what you need before you ask him’ (Matthew 6: 8). We know He knows what we’re going to say before we even say it, so it must not matter that much whether we say it or not right?
Wrong.

It matters a whole lot because it shows we trust. In sharing we are effectively transferring control of the situation from our incapable hands into His all powerful and very much able hands.

 


Sharing is a choice.

Intimacy is a choice.


 

We are not forced into relationship with Him. He doesn’t coerce us to pray- it is something we have the liberty to do, or not to do.

Intimacy comes at a price.

It costs ‘self’ because it means laying pride and ego to the side and showing another side to you. I was tempted to type the ‘real’ you, but realised we have different parts that make us who we are, and our public face is not necessarily our ‘fake face’, and neither is our private self our ‘real self’.

Intimacy means being up close and personal

An intimate relationship is a transparent one.

Transparency means being vulnerable. 

 

 

Being vulnerable means being brave – because you’re taking a chance on the person you’re confiding in – if it’s God, there is absolutely nothing to worry about, but if it’s (hu)man, the there’s always a risk of being hurt and betrayed.  But sometimes that risk is necessary for the relationship to grow to another level.
Whilst on this walk I realised that it did not matter how I described my feelings,  what I said, if I was coherent or a hot mess.  All these factors were irrelevant.  What mattered was the choice I made to share.

 

 

I hope to talk more about intimacy…so stay posted for part 2. If you haven’t already subscribed, please do so, it means you will be alerted when the latest post goes live.

In truth and with love

Faith xox

Summer Lovin’

Single and searching (12 of 14)

 

Single and searching (10 of 14)

 

Before I get started, I have to commend the British weather for actually giving us a summer.  We have experienced at least 3 weeks (and counting) of glorious sunshine *round of applause*. 

We have had the opportunity to freely wear our sunnies, get our legs and arms out and wear the summer clothes most of us buy out of pure optimism and hope for sun.

This summer for me started off quite tiring.  I experienced a few bouts of anxiety, as I thought about all the things I needed to do, wanted to do, had to do and the many events I’d been invited to and expected to attend.  Balancing work, studies, ministry commitments, family, social life and private leisure activities was quite overwhelming sometimes, and caused me many unnecessary late nights and early mornings, making me a tad grouchy and snappy.

To better manage the situation I develop a new love for the word ‘No’.  I just started saying no to a lot of things and prioritised my need for R&R.

Rest & Relaxation’.

During  my R&R

 I  rekindled some lost and neglected friendships

Spent time quality with loved ones, family, friends

Did some networking and met a load of new people

Treated myself to some new bits

Embarked on some personal development projects

And spent time dating.

I’ve been on so many dates this summer, so many I’ve lost count.

 

(Sorry, did I mention these dates were with myself?)

 Single and searching (9 of 14)

And they have all been great!

As much as I am a social butterfly, I love spending time with myself. I thoroughly enjoy my own company, and realise there will come a point in life, where I wouldn’t have the luxury of zoning out and having that precious ‘me time’. I wouldn’t be able to just up and leave.  Go somewhere new, try something new and simply to decide to do what I want, exactly when I want.

 

Single and searching (6 of 14)

(I’m aware of the weird looks, when dating alone. I’m used to them now. I usually freak people out by trying to hold hands with myself….just kidding.)

Single and searching (1 of 14) (1)

Dating alone forms a good part of my R&R time, it gives me that quality ‘me time’, which is something I aim to take full advantage of.  A little message to the singles reading this, don’t worry this is definitely NOT a lecture.   Just a little bit of encouragement to take full advantage of this ‘me’ time.  The rush to be in a relationship and married comes with hard work and responsibilities.   And in the near future, this me time may be a coveted luxury (so I’ve heard).

Single and searching (13 of 14)

Summer isn’t  over just yet, and there are a few things I would still like to do, which I’ll be sure to share with you all.

In the meantime, share with me some of the things you have done this summer.  Lessons you’ve learnt? Opportunities you’ve had, places you’ve visited, fun things you’ve done- I’d love to know.

In truth and with love,

 

Faith xox

Faith’s Guide